so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
