in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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