hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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