dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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