Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
