why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
