First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
