He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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