I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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