I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
