if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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