I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
