I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
im on a boat
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