Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
