my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Blood and glitter go together right?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
