: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
