you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
