im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
