We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
