I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
