Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
