small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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