no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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