And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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