if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
