I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The power of my boobs compel you
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
