Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You need a sexual gate keeper
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
