bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
