I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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