If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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