i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
