I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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