The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
