I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
