Got a toothbrush?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
cat food counts as protein by the way
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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