speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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