on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
