Yo dont text me then not text me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
