Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
