Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
