If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Couch. On fire.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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