I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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