Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
