Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
