What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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