no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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