Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
