My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
