she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
