oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Is it penis luge time yet?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
