I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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