I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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