He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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