I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
