omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
