I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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