I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
