Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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