the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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