You just made me feel so damn special
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
