I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
