I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
