i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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