Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
