I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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