Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think people are normalizing furries
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
