he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
