just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What a dumb baby whore.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
