the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
