you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
