sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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