forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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