she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
