Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
