i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
