Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
