I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
